Loneliness: Kill Me Now or Kill Me Later

This post was written by admin on December 26, 2009
Posted Under: Daily Panic Battles,Panic Attack Help for Caregivers/Support People

Part of dealing with Panic and Anxiety is the intense sense of feeling unattached to those around us. A feeling that what we are dealing with makes us the only person in the world dealing with it. What makes it even harder is that in some sense of the word, we are also viewed as having a lesser sense of right and wrong and a lesser sense of being who we were before all this happened; as if we can truly remember a time when we were judged as “normal.”

Something happened today.  There is carelessness and complacency when you live in a neighborhood that you have grown a part of.  However, now more than ever, you can not let your guard down.  Even though you park your car in the garage and close the door behind the car, valuables that are easily stolen can be easily removed from your car in the garage.  The greatest invention for garages was the garage door opener.  A device that has forever changed the face of society.  No matter the weather you do not have to leave the comfort of your car to open your garage door.  With this wonderful invention, you can simply push a button and the door almost magically opens.  The auto manufacturers have also seized this wonderment of convenience by including something called Homelink which allows you to program your car to your garage door opener, doing away with the need for clunky devices hanging from your visor.

Enter the criminal element and you find that this item of comfort is an item that allows free access toyour home and car.  Hence my story.  I had been warning those in my household not to leave valuables in the car, even if the car was parked and locked in the garage.  Sometime in the overnight hours, that criminal element gained access to the garage and removed a large sum of money from an unlocked car in the garage.

This is where the loneliness comes in.  In my case, my Panic and Anxiety has made it almost impossible to earn an income and has left me at times stranded beyond logic and reason.  But I can still snese what is right and wrong and what is safe and not.  So in this event I feel incredibly lonely.  My words of warning have been spoken for years and as society has shifted in the last few years crimes of opportunity have made themselves a frequent event.

I KNEW, I just KNEW that we were riding our luck and at some point it was going to run out, and it did.  Sometime between the hours of 2PM yesterday and 4PM today we were struck.  Throwing our tight and precision sharp budget into a frenzy. 

See those that battle with Panic and Anxiety attacks are actually sharper and more alert and aware than those we call ‘normal.”  We have tuned into our senses and can see danger when we don’t want to, but we are often tossed aside as being overly sensitive or overly alert and even told we are over reacting.  Well when it comes to facing a Panic Attack I will agree completely.  But when it comes to other things regarding personal safety, I will argue.  As a former police officer, I was trained to be alert to things which included the occasional call to perform a safety check on a residence.

So while this will probably not teach a single person in my household a lesson, it just taught me how little my words are heard, my needs are acknowledged and how lonely I really am.

I launched this blog almost 1 year ago.  We have received over 400,000 hits.  I am thrilled about that.  But sadly, the people I live with do not even read my blog.  They don’t care enough to keep a check on my pulse.  So to the 388,000 that have visited my blog in almost a year, thank you.  There are many of you that are what I fondly call “repeat offenders;” visiting and leaving me a comment or dropping me an email.  Thank you.

To my loved ones whom I presently reside with, it will be just a matter of time before I do something that provokes, Kill Me Now or Kill Me Later.  The shock and awe are yet to come………….


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Reader Comments

Very nice. I like your article. This article is very interesting and rewarding for me personally. Panic attacks and anxiety disorder become everyone’s problems on certain conditions and of course we are not comfortable if it is in such condition. Everyone wants to overcome this panic attack and anxiety disorder. Thank you.

Written By Feny Irfany on August 4th, 2011 @ 8:56 am

Nice Post, Thanks for that awesome posting.

Written By winiko on October 3rd, 2011 @ 10:00 pm

The post written by “admin” about anxiety, panic and loneliness is superb if not exactly universal.
Love the accompanying painting/photo, better than “The Scream” which so far has been my favourite representation of life’s darker side.
Would love to have a poster of this. Will try to print it out and enlarge.
Does anyone know the artist’s name???

Written By beatrice smith on December 18th, 2013 @ 2:44 pm

Personal message to “Admin”!
It seems to me you are more than normal!
I have left every man I ever knew because of becoming “part of the furniture” not a “loved and cherished one” despite talking, pointing out and begging NOT to let things slide into habit. Its useless! Just GO, but then watch out for real LONELYNESS attacks, they can be worst than “loneliness frustration” amongst people.

Written By beatrice smith on December 18th, 2013 @ 2:52 pm

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